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I likely did not mention this in public posts earlier, but from the end of November and till about 3 days ago I was involved nearly full-time on a project that had great potential to be a business. In a way, had this project succeeded, it would've filled part of the dreams that I had.

About 3 days ago, however, I reached the conclusion that this project is deemed to fail and paused working on it. Having it fail was partially my choice - I could've chosen to work on it longer but, for reasons I won't get into in this post, I decided not to.

Which leads me to the state I am in today. I am in the dark ages again of being thoroughly confused about what to do. The last three days were quite stressful, but I am glad to report that I feel quite relaxed and accustomed to the new state of affairs.

I say that I am in the dark ages "again" because there was another dark age last year when I also was very unsure of what to do, and that was from the time I left Lebanon last Summer till about early December, when I started committing myself to the business project I mentioned above.

During that time, I was moving around a lot (mostly in Europe), and was very unclear on what to do. There weren't specific objectives, but I came out of it with a new way to structure my projects like Small Fish, as well as other project ideas I've been meaning to pursue.

What I have continuously realized that in times like these I tend to think too much before making a move. Whenever an idea comes to mind that seems interesting it's always "too hard" or "too much competition" or "not in my field" or "isn't financially viable", etc.

Rather than focusing on ideation, I'll be focusing on learning for the next little while. What has become evident to me is one of my greatest joys is learning. For now I'll focus on learning things I find interesting, with no particular path, and see where that leads. I have some thoughts on how to add some structure to this, but I'll leave that for another post.

Thoughts on a Plane

I am writing this as I am on a flight from Reykjavik to San Francisco. It had been exactly nine months and 16 days since I left San Francisco, and I am not exactly sure how I’ll feel being back. I’ll be there for nearly two and a half weeks, which will be an interesting reality check.
My blog posts as of late have been sparse and shallow. Whenever I start writing I get caught up in writing the easy stuff (travels, workout schedules, etc.) and don’t end up writing about the more important reflections and experiences that I’ve been going through.
I want to dedicate some time here to write about why I left my life in San Francisco nearly 10 months ago. I must admit, I am not even sure, despite all these months, exactly why I left San Francisco. What I am sure of though, is that even though I worked with world-class engineers in reputable companies, had great income, and relatively had freedom to travel around, I felt deeply dissatisfied.
Reflecting back, this deep sense of dissatisfaction that I had stemmed from a feeling of insignificance. I felt that my contributions at work were insignificant and that the projects I was working on were insignificant. Months would go by without me feeling like I have done or learned anything worthwhile. Add to that a sense of cultural disconnect, a weak circle of friends, no family, and no relationship. Life was completely meaningless to me.
I was deeply depressed.
I am not blaming anyone for that status quo. It was entirely a product of my own decisions. I vividly remember the first time I came to San Francisco back in 2011. I wanted to work with the best, to be one of the best. I had these dreams of using these super powers I was learning to make the world, especially the Arab World, a better place. Not only was it a huge driving force for me, but I almost felt it was a personal liability to do so.
It breaks my heart to see what the Arab World has descended into, and I feel powerless about it.
Many times I wonder, why should I even care? I have zero obligations towards the Arab World, and it’s not like they’ve given me much that I should feel obliged to “give back” anyways. Isn’t it more appropriate to not have deeply rooted affinities towards one particular place? Why not see the world as one, humanity as one, pursue the best opportunities you can find, with the best people you can find, and in the places where this work is most likely to succeed? I cannot find any logical arguments against this view.
I think this “responsibility” that I feel towards the Arab World stems from my sense of identity. I identify myself as an Arab, that my main language is Arabic (even though I’m writing this in English), and I enjoy being immersed in and adopting many parts of the heritage and history our people had. My rational mind is now telling me that none of this truly matters. This whole notion of “Arab”, “Arabism”, and “Arabic” is completely man-made, and to an outsider it is completely irrelevant, just like most flavors of nationalism I suppose. But, again, it seems like it's important to me.
I have no idea what to make of this just yet. I am better off taking a nap, I think. I am exhausted.

Visiting the Hospital in Essaouira

You know what's one thing I would like to change about myself? I think too much. I wanted to write a short update about today and I am spending too much time thinking about what to actually write, how to structure it, what's worth writing and what isn't. The result? Well, as you can see, that not as much writing is going on anymore.

So I decided with this post to do the exact opposite. To write exactly what comes to my mind word for word, even if it doesn't end up making sense.

I am still in Sidi Kaouki, and I'd say today was a good day. I ended up going to Essaouira today with Sofian, Islam (the girl), Hadeer, and two other girls that joined our house two days ago.

The main reason I went to Essaouira today was to visit the hospital to get a tetanus vaccination. I bruised my knee and both my palms two days ago while I was running (slipped on the road), and Matthias, one of the roommates in the house, advised that I should get a tetanus vaccination if I hadn't taken it in the last 10 years.

Today I experienced what a public hospital in Morocco was like. I was originally skeptical, but was delightfully surprised of the great treatment I got. I wouldn't say it's like a hospital in Canada, but they were very quick, efficient, and, most surprising of all, did not charge me money! I am very surprised by that. I was chatting with one of the doctors and he started showing pictures of him participating in triathlons - what a great crew!

Anyways, earlier in the day we went for lunch at the nice terrace of مطعم البركة. Here's a picture of the crew:

PS: The flow of this post doesn't seem so bad given I was putting zero thought as I was writing. I should do more of this!

Medium Fish V3 – Week 1

I wrapped up week 1 of the updated version of Project Medium Fish yesterday. Overall, I am very happy with this new version, and I am quite confident that this is the version I'll stick with until this project is taken into completion.

Reflecting on this week, here's what I like about Calisthenics Movement Level 2 so far:

  1. Warming up is first class. In all other workout programs I had seen, warming up was only an after thought and mentioned very casually in the workout plan. I like that, with the current, there's a comprehensive workout routine that I follow prior to every workout.
  2. Focus on mobility. Immobility was the primary reason I dislocated my shoulder back in 2014, and I love the mobility exercises that I do on off days and how they make me feel.
  3. Mix of Calisthenics and HIIT. One day in the week is focused on HIIT (High Intensity Interval Training) where I do sprints, which is a welcomed change given that I haven't done that kind of training in a while.
  4. Taking it slow. In all exercises, there's a lot of emphasis on getting the correct technique and doing it slowly. Pullups, for example, are four seconds each: 1 seconds up, 1 second hold, and 2 seconds down.

Anyways, here's my exercise log for week 1.

A few things to note as I am going through these notes:

  • While here in Sidi Kaouki, I am doing pullups on a large wooden bar with an open grip, which means that pullups are a bit more difficult.
  • Squats are way too easy for me at this point. I went up to 50 in one of the sets and I stopped only because I got bored. The following week I'll do a more difficult exercise: close squats.
  • Deep Squat internal rotations are not so deep for me, but I got better over the course of the week.
  • I don't have a good setup for doing dips. I am now doing it in between two branches, and this is hurting my performance especially with the supporting leg raises. I'll try to adapt or find an alternative.
  • I am not entirely sure if I am doing arch ups correctly. Need to look into this a little bit more for week 2.
  • I got tired very fast when sprinting, but that's expected given that I haven't done this kind of activity in a long time.

Project Medium Fish Status

Following the success of Project Small Fish, I feel now more ready than ever to start another project. This project is an extension of Project Small Fish, and I thus dubbed it “Project Medium Fish”.

Project Medium Fish, like its predecessor, is a mental and physical fitness project. To me, this project is deeply foundational. It’s a challenge to grow myself mentally and physically. It’s a statement. It’s a statement that I am in control, and in my control I shall be disciplined and I shall thrive. My mind is now much stronger than a few months ago, and I believe that I now have the mind to take this project to completion and many others to come.

Deadline: June 8th, 2018 July 1st
Current Progress:

100%

Update [7/10/2018]: Quite a bit after the deadline, but Medium Fish is now finally complete!

Project Medium Fish V3

Project Medium Fish has been in a bit of a chaos this month. Earlier this month I decided that my original plan isn't the best to pursue and updated the goals of the project to a new plan. The new plan was a plan I made myself based on my own readings and stuck with it for about 10 days.

I realized that the new plan has its deficiencies:

  1. It doesn't emphasize warming up or mobility, which is something I am much in need of.
  2. Some of the exercises are still far from my level, like the L-Sit. I searched for intermediate exercises that can help me along the way, but I didn't feel happy about my research or structure.

Following the motto of "ادي العيش لخبّازه" I decided to find the best calisthenics workout routine I could find. I ended up settling with Calisthenics Movement, which was recommended to me by someone I met in Dahab. They have several levels and have fantastic focus on both strength and flexibility.

I opted to do their level 2 workout program. I could've went with level 3, but decided to go slow and work on perfecting my technique. Technique is something that is highly emphasized in this new plan. I like that for almost all exercises you have to do it slower than usual and focus on doing it right. Pullups, for example, should be in four seconds: 1 second up, 1 second hold, and 2 seconds down.

This program will be 15 weeks, but I'll reserve 16 weeks to give myself some slack. This pushes out the deadline to June 8th, 2018.

In Small Fish I used to blog following every exercise, but that's a bit cumbersome I think. Instead, I'll be logging all my exercises on a daily basis here and will post a weekly update to the blog instead.

صباح الخير من المغرب

خواطر كثيرة تراودني هذا الصباح. استيقظت اليوم الساعة الخامسة ليلا (و أقول ليلا لأنني لا أرى بشائر الفجر حتى الآن، و الساعة الآن ٥:٤٥). خواطر نحو عائلتي و نحو حياتي و عدم استقراري أصبحت تراودني. وصلت البارحة إلى قرية سيدي كاوكي بالمغرب، و هي قرية نائية على ساحل المحيط يقطنها ما يقرب من ٤٠٠٠ شخص.

لم يكن هناك سبب قوي بالنسبة لي للذهاب إلى المغرب. لمدة شهر سأسكن فيها هنا مع مجموعة من ١٠ أفراد في بيت كبير في أرياف هذه القرية، لعلها تكون فرصة للتعرف على حياة الأرياف و توابعها.

استغرق الطريق من القاهرة حوالي ١٧ ساعة. القاهرة ثم الدار البيضاء ثم مراكش ثم الصويرة و أخيرا سيدي كاوكي.

هذه صور التقطّها وقت وصولي هنا:

Project Medium Fish – Updated!

My progress on Medium Fish has to some extent stalled over the past 8 days or so. I didn't stop working out, but it was "chaos" workouts where I was choosing a random workout to do as opposed to working towards an end goal in a structured manner.

The reason I initially stalled is because the workout routine that I was following, "The System" by Bar Brothers, was progressing a lot faster than myself. I thought of just repeating the exercises of whatever week I was on until I am capable and move on, but it's a bit more complicated than that because a single week doesn't cover all the different types of workouts in their program, and I have been feeling that the quality of my workouts have been degrading gradually as I strived to hit the rep quota they suggest.

Another big reason for me as well to reconsider the program is that I felt that the end goal was a bit too complicated. If you look at my original goals you'll see about 12 goals that are a bit scattered.

A few days ago I decided to regroup and correct course on this project so that 1) the goals are much simpler and more focused and 2) workouts focus more on quality than quantity.

After hours of reading and extensive research I found this great reference: Overcoming Gravity by Steven Low*. After reading many parts of it, along with my old copy of Convict Conditioning, I decided on the following three goals for Medium Fish:

  1. Free handstand for 30 seconds. It would be OK if I initially needed a wall to get into position.
  2. 20 second L-sit
  3. 3 sets of 5 L-pullups in perfect form.

Deadline: April 15th (unchanged)

Based on the goals above I constructed the following workout that I'll be doing three times a week:

  • Warmup
  • Skill work (handstand + L-sit)
  • 3x5 sets working towards L-pullups
  • 3x5-10 sets working towards 1-hand pushup
  • 3x5-10 sets working towards 1-legged squat

Note that the sets towards 1-hand pushups and 1-legged squats aren't actually necessary for the goals I'm setting for myself for this project, but I wanted the workout to be full body and working towards them now will set the foundation for future fitness projects.

* Because there is no digital copy of the book and I can't get the book shipped to me, I had to pirate the book. I am so sorry, Steve! I promise I'll buy the digital copy as soon as it comes out!

Week 4

I have been particularly lazy in reporting my progress this week. Shame on me! Here's the report of the all days I didn't yet report this week.

When I was doing the last workout, day 6, I started realizing that this workout plan is progressing faster than how I'm progressing. They're becoming overly difficult and I'm starting to see myself either rest for much longer than the required rest time, or slightly compromise the quality of my reps.

I want to reemphasize my belief here that "slow is smooth, and smooth is fast". I don't want to rush this at the expense of quality, even if it means pushing my deadline for this project by a bit.

I'll be doing a reassessment this evening to see what modifications need to be done to the plan. In the meantime, here's a report of my past workouts:

Day 2: I did this workout in the desert while we were camping there. Four rounds of:

  • 30 second high knees
  • 8 burpees
  • 30 second mountain climbers
  • 2 minute run (on sand)

Day 3: Worked out of Eldorado in Dahab. The scheduled workout was four rounds of:

  • 18 regular pushups
  • 10 dips
  • 12 wide pullups

Pushups and dips weren't a problem, but the pullups I had to split each round into two sets. By the end of it though I still only did 45 wide pullups, as opposed to the 12 x 4 = 48 I was set out to do. Also took a lot more breaks than suggested in the workout.

Day 4: This day was meant to be a lower body workout. I played soccer, which I think compensates for it.

Day 5: Reported in my last post

Day 6: I was delayed by one day in doing this workout, as I was completely exhausted due to all the Dahab activities (freediving, swimming, etc.) Again, this isn't something that I take lightly, so I don't expect this to be a regular occurrence. I did four rounds of:

  • 20 incline pushups
  • 15 decline pushups
  • 10 regular clap pushups
  • 5 second down up pushups